The past two months have been torture for me. I can't even tell you why. I suppose it's myriad of things - Thanksgiving, which is always hard, because it reminds me of the last time Quincy went home to see his family and the pictures on his wall when I went to clean up from his suicide; the end of my master's program yet not having a job or prospects for even one to apply for; feelings of uselessness as my son comes so close to getting his license (in fact he got it while I was in the hospital); and looking toward empty nest syndrome. So, I tried to reach out, only to find that those I reached out to sent help in the form of sheriff's officers to my home! Ugh. Yes, time in the hospital. Time in out-patient. Time to reflect. And time to realize I didn't want to end things like Quincy, I just wanted the pain to end. I just want to feel like I can make a difference. I just want to work hard and use my God given talents (if I have any).
So, that's my past couple months. Hope yours have been better. Hope your 2014 brings you many blessings and if you struggle with PTSD or suicidal ideation, relief. Happy New Year!